Well Tony Randall Is Dead, Darlings

Dearest Darlings,

I've just read the gossip groups and I'm saddened to see that Tony Randall has died. He seemed nice. And in fact, of all my fabulous poems I've written, he is the only celebrity I've ever mentioned. So in memory of Tony, I'd like to add that poem to my Dryheavalicious Blig...

(BTW: I wrote this as a birthday poem for Princess last year, I believe)

Ode to the Fabulous She

There once was a woman so Pink
Blinded at birth, I do think
I saw her alight
From carriage one night
Begowned in a way that did stink.

Sweetie, I said, full of fear
Your front is a mile from the rear
This dress, it's a scandal
Oh look, Tony Randall!
Excuse me, he owes me a beer.

Later, once Tony had sated
My thirst for the charms I had stated
I saw her again
And sharpened my pen
Review? "The dress irritated."

Darling, I gasped in malaise
You look like a Lazy Boy chaise
Some slapping ensued
She'd gotten quite rude
And then she was strangely ablaze.

Toasting Tony Randall With A Smart Cocktail Or Two,
{{{{{LCM}}}}}
Centre of the Known Universe

Dearest Darlings,

Well my Blig isn't six hours old and controversy has already erupted between Princess and myself over the colours of it. You see originally I had picked "lavender" as my background, but she took one withering glance and deemed it decidedly pink. (patting wig) So after the obligatory drinks were thrown and I stormed off, I decided to change it to "lime green."

But then my dear friend Craig chimed in and said lime green wasn't my colour either! (smiling explainfully) Obviously Craig drinks. (making the drinky-drinky motion with his hand and tossing his head back and laughing) Ah-hahahahaha! (smiling grandly again) So anyhoo, I replied that he was drunk and/or insane and that of course lime green is my colour - there really isn't another colour *more* my colour when you think about it.

(pausing, thinking about it)

So that brings me to the topic of my second Blig entry, darlings. As I explained to Craig, perhaps it was just the *name* of the colour that was putting him off - so, in my ultra-helpful way, I'm going to coin a few new terms for "lime green" that will be more to everybody's liking...

LCM's Highly Official Top Name-Change Possibilities For "Lime Green"

- Ultra-Minty White (think "off-white" on crack, darlings)
- Irish Blue (well if the Prussians can screw with the colour wheel, sweeties, so can the Irish)
- Grass Menegerie (like a gothic southern lawn, only less about the insanity and more about the niceness somehow)
- Fungussied Up (think "Fun" plus "gussied up" and voila!)
- Tayinawin (you have to have seen "Nell" to understand - Jodie Foster played a young girl with an extreme rural accent, who for unkown reasons would ocassionally sway back and forth like a tree in the wind - and trees are green, so it works)
- Hackglama (think cross between a glamorous fur coat ad and, well, someone with a wet hacking cough)
- Dryheavalicious (it's perfect!)

So there we have it, darlings - the perfect new name for the colour of my new Blig - "Dryheavalicious!" YAY!

Mixing Drinks, Looking Great
{{{{{LCM}}}}}
Centre of the Known Universe

Testing 1-2-6, Darlings

Dearest Darlings,

So anyhoo, here I am in the Sweetiecave typing away on my ping box, sweeties - I'm testing my new BLOG! (patting wig) I must say I don't care for that term - "blog" - it sounds a little too East German for my tastes. Hmmm. Let's see what other things I could call it instead...

LCM's Highly Official List Of Other Things He Could His BLOG

- My "BLCMog" (better, but rather a tongue twister)
- My "B-Log" (no - some people will think I've fallen to the "B" list - which is just beyond the realms of science fiction)
- My "BL-og" (well that's just unpronounceable)
- My "BLO-g" (and that sounds vaguely slutty)
- My "E-Log" (it still sounds vaguely toiletish - I think I'll drop the log completely, actually)
- My "Blag" (no - that sounds like bladder trouble somehow)
- My "Bleg" (a bloody leg?)
- My "Blig" (Well...perhaps - it's rather like "sig" only with a glamorous BLUH sound in front)
- My "Blug" (no - that sounds rather like a butt plug - which just isn't the direction I'm going in right now)
- My "Blyg" (they say "sometimes y" but it almost never looks right)

Oh I don't know, darlings - five minutes into this and I'm already in crisis. Tsk. (patting wig) Well I'll just call it my Blig for now and if I think of anything more fabulous, then I'll rename it. Now I'm off for cocktails with Princess, darlings - I'll write later and tell you all about it!

Patting Wig, Cabbing It Down To The Boom Boom Room For A Nice Liquid Brunch
{{{{{LCM}}}}}
Centre of the Known Universe