Edonline Makes A Scene

(scene: LCM is restfully sipping a cocktail in the corner booth, when along charges edonline...)

Ed: (demonstratively) Blog this, sweetie!

LCM: (glaring) Oh now really, darling - you needn't pull that burlesque on me, sweetie - I've seen your act and demanded my money back. (lips pursed) But since you're here, if you promise to behave, I'll pour you a drink. (pouring drink) You know, darling, I told you you'd catch more flies with honey than vinegar, but I didn't mean it quite so literally - you might want to call a Molly Maid and have that seen to. (handing drink) Now let's be nice - we may be perpetually fighting over the affections of Anderson Cooper at the moment, but that doesn't mean we can't have a civil after-breakfast cocktail now and then. (patting wig) So. (vaseline smile) Anderson tells me you've been practicing those tantric exercises lately. (glancing) I suppose it must be easier when you've got artificial hips - less danger of imploding. (tossing head back and laughing) Ah-hahahahaha! (smiling) Oh I kid, darling - I kid because I love.

Ed: Seriously, congratulations. However, I am surprised that your blog isn't being paid with advertisements for porno sites and/or sleazy bars.

LCM: (icy glare) Oh how rude. (lips pursed) My blog isn't about to become a tool of capitalism, sweetie - it's a free and impartial forum for (using quotey fingers) "ideas" and "things." (patting wig) Besides, the only nudie pics I had were of you - the only nibble I got was from Martha Stewart Living, and even they balked when I explained you weren't a lawn gnome. (vaseline smile) But thank you for you congrats, sweetie - I think the corner booth here will be a tremendous success. (patting wig) I'm working on a three picture script deal with Columbia on mine and Mumsey's life story. (pulling ratty cocktail napkins from Prada bag) Here - let me bounce a few tentative titles off you, darling...

- Dependence Day
- Monsters Not Quite Inc
- My Big Fat Greek Televised Low Speed Chase
- Emisson Impossible
- The Mumsey
- The Mumsey Returns
- Glaadiator
- Glaadiatrix
- Snow White And The Subsequent Cavity Checks
- A Bag's Life
- The Infirm
- One Hundred And One Damnations
- More Than A Few Good Men
- The Glare Bitch Project
- The Mattress Revolutions
- Cheaper By The Dozings
- My Best Friend's Bedding
- Clear And Present Glamour
- 50 Fast "Dates"
- Face/Lift
- One Sauntered Through The Cuckoo's Nest
- A Plague Of Their Own
- Every Which Way And Loose
- Shakespeare In Jail

LCM: (tossing head back and laughing) Ah-hahahaha! (patting hand) Oh gosh, darling - what fun we have. (smiling) Here - we'll have a few more drinks and I'll tell you the secret of Hugh Jackman's high kicks in that Peter Allen play of his. (brow arched) You're not the only one doing exercises, after all, darling.

Pouring Drinks, Looking Fabulous
{{{{{LCM}}}}}
Centre of the Known Universe